So no one else reads this, no one else posts in this. I can't remember the password to my other account.

Myspace is no good and i have no one to talk to. I just need to get things out.

I am so afriad. I'm afraid that my boyfriend, the guy I have been chasing after for months just might be in love with his ex girlfriend. I don't understand it.

Why would he date me if he still liked her? Perhaps, maybe he knew that the two of them were done and he sort of liked me and hoped his feelings would develop. I don't know.
Liz told me that before he and I started dating, a few weeks ago, he called his ex and told her that he still loved her. Goodness! What would I do to hear those words! And I don't know, maybe i"m being silly, but I feel like even though I "have him" I don't. She does.
And it isn't fair - she has a new boyfriend and she never treated him right in the first place. I mean, she wanted to break up with him months before she actually did. And she talked badly about him all the time. All I ever heard from her was "ugg, he's so annoying" and stupid complaints like that. I can't even say how much I wanted to slap her.
I mean, I feel like crying. There isn't anything I can do - if he loves her, he loves her. He doesn't go home and check his email waiting to hear from me, he does it for HER. He got up in the middle of the night to see if SHE sent him an email (not me)
Is that bad? Am I just crazy? Ugh, I am crazy. And I can't hate him for it. If that's how he feels, it isn't his fault. And I hate to say it, but I like him so much that I would let him leave me for her and not hate him. I would be happy for him. That's how much I care about him.

Ugh, I'm ridiculous. I remember Anna once telling me that I didn't understand what it was like to be in a relationship - that it hurts more than I would ever know.

Well here I am, agreeing with her. It hurts. It hurts a hell of a lot. This is one of those things that will chart the progress of my life. (Seriously, look back at this journal and see what I used to be like)

Ugh. I'm on my period and this sucks. My cramps are really really bad.

I've been listening to wicked all morning. I'm ridiculous.

(~do i need to sign this?)

then || now